I cried to my friend as I related the story of how I had “let go” our nanny of eight years. Gloria came to work for our family when I was pregnant with my third daughter, Jillian. Michael used to say, “when Jillian starts Kindergarten, we will not need Gloria any longer.” Kindergarten came and went. Gloria stayed.

“What if I go back to a full-time career?.” I hypothesized. “What if we decide to have another baby?” I argued. But, the new job never came, and Michael had a vasectomy. Still, I tried to justify Gloria’s place in our lives. I came up with new jobs for Gloria during the day when the kids were not around. “You can walk the dogs.” I suggested. “No. My knees bother me.” Gloria replied. “How about dusting, or vacuuming?” I wanted to know. “My sinuses.” Gloria answered as she stared at her gospel programming while folding one of the many baskets of laundry before her.

“All change is loss.” My friend told me as I sobbed on my end of the phone. I wiped my nose. “But, I love her! She is family.” I cried. “How will my girls cope? What will Gloria do now? She will miss the kids terribly! ” I was thoughtful, considerate even. And then, “Who will do the laundry?”

I’ve never been good with change. Each new baby threw me into post-partum anxiety and stress. I once gave two puppies back to a breeder because I couldn’t deal with the sudden and new responsibilities of pet ownership. (I have since learned the pleasures of having two dogs that now own me.)

But my family is growing up and I no longer can justify the cost or find the need for a full-time, live-in nanny. I finally had the guts to acknowledge that fact to myself, and then, to Gloria.

This week, I am knee high in laundry. The towels alone are enough to kill me. But, all three of my girls make their beds every morning before school. They even put away their clean laundry and wash their dinner dishes. Michael actually picked up his socks from the floor and tossed them into the hamper. He empties the dishwasher and organized the storage closet.

Gloria says she is heading back to her native island to be with family and enjoy retirement in the warmth and fresh sea air. She is sad to be separated from the girls. She would rather have worked here a few more years. But, I have let go of my guilt and acknowledged that Gloria will survive the change.
So will I.

School has started and summer is already a happy memory. The leaves have already started to turn. I suppose it can be argued that often– change is gain.